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Be Be OH my Be Be!

In my youth it was my pleasure to introduce a few of my friends to the delights of a vibrator. Just in case you were wondering, I wasn’t actually present when they.. ahem…enjoyed the benefits so to speak. A couple I took shopping to the amusingly named Tool Shed. Dildo’s, vibrators, whips, crutchless undies, rows and rows of porn magazines and DVD’s. Unfortunately there was always a rather unsavoury man behind the counter. He had long greasy hair and would suddenly appear behind you with a smirk on his face. “Can I help you ladies?” All suggestive like…skin crawling in fact.

Then along came the internet and those unsavoury little outings were unnecessary. Thanks to a very generous husband, I’ve got quite a collection of vibrators. All shapes and sizes. Imagine my delight when I met a woman a few weeks ago who told me that she had designed a vibrator! Lisa was a fascinating lady and we had a wonderfully long lunch talking about a wide range of topics.

It’s taken me a couple of weeks to purchase a Be Be, but I’ve finally got one. This weekend there’s been plenty of opportunity to take it for test runs. Well, let me tell you, LIsa is clearly a genius. Be Be is PERFECT. I’ll be dumping the rest of my toys now, because this guy is so much better than the rest. What’s right about this little battery operated boyfriend:

* Packaging. Oh the Be Be case is gorgeous! It’s an egg shaped design and there’s room to store batteries under the Be Be inside. Nothing worse that stealing the batteries out of the TV remote in an emergency. The Be be is purple and I like that too.

* Vibration speed. Ladies, have you ever turned you vibrator on and left it in your draw to run down? I have. Otherwise the vibration is too high and it gives an itch and a lousy O. The Be Be has a deep low vibration, far better than any I’ve tried before. Thus providing a mighty O! Happy days!

* Design. Who wants a dick-shaped vibrator? Not me. For one thing it makes a tent on the bed if you like to be on your back. Too visible! This also causes tension against the sheet and makes it harder work. I doubt that many woman insert those things either. Note to the men reading – it’s our Clitoris that gets us off. So the Be Be is designed to be used where it works. It’s easy to hold, and lets the vibrations flow into exactly the right, sweet spot. Unlike some vibrators, it doesn’t have 56 vibration patterns. The controls are up or down. Simple and effective. We really don’t want to be trying to work out some complicated controls at a crucial moment.

So, have I sold you yet? Have a look at the website:

http://www.lovebeingwoman.com/

May you enjoy as much as I have!

 

 

 

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Warm Pink to Red HOT – my new book of short stories

Out now via Smashwords and soon to be available at Barnes and Noble, Kobo, Deisel, Itunes and more. Enjoy!

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Visit my Smashwords page to buy ($0.99):  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/271861

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Yawn, stretch, and OH!!

There is a medication out there that can cause you to have an orgasm when you yawn. I shit you not.

There I was all set to write a blog about how being tired makes sex a challenge. I thought it’d be a good idea to put in picture of a yawning man (see below).

morning-male-yawn

Of course as soon as I even see a picture of someone yawning I nearly dislocate my jaw with one of my own. Only my mouth shut pretty damn quick when I read the following :

Three clinical psychiatrists in the provincial town of Saint John, New Brunswick, told how they had noticed that some of their psychiatric patients seemed unusually keen to be kept on a new anti-depressant drug called Clomipramine. 

Under questioning, the patients all admitted the same thing — that after they started taking Clomipramine, they had experienced the unusual side-effect of having a spontaneous orgasm every time they yawned.

This affected both female and male patients. 

The rare side-effect has since been observed elsewhere among patients taking the same drug. No one can explain why.

According to the Medline plus, this drug is a tricyclic antidepressant used to treat several mental health conditions, mainly obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression. Wikipedia had a reference to it, but a search of various other websites (allegedly with more credibility than Wikipedia) failed to find any reference to yawn-induced orgasm. In fact, as with many tricyclics, this drug can cause decreased sexual function. Damn!

The article was in Mail Online and strangely, the title was, “It’s NOT a sign of boredom. It DOESN’T boost oxygen in the brain. So why DO we yawn?” I’m thinking you wouldn’t need to ask a select few people on Clomipramine that question!

Read the full article at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2072877/Its-NOT-sign-boredom-It-DOESNT-boost-oxygen-brain-So-DO-yawn.html#ixzz2GnTYoiAQ

 

 

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Sexual Accidents and the Gerbil Experience

Oh the education I’ve had since starting to write erotica. Fact really is stranger than fiction.

Take the following from an article that questions if ‘gerbil stuffing’ is real or an urban myth. Below are actual items that have been found inserted into various body cavities. It seems the rectum is the favoured repository of…..well…… anything really…..

“a six-by-five-inch tool box weighing 22 ounces, a six-inch stone weighing two pounds (in the latter two cases the patients died due to intestinal obstruction), a baby powder can, a test tube, a ball-point pen, a peanut butter jar, candles, baseballs, a sand-filled bicycle inner tube, sewing needles, a flashlight, a half-filled tobacco pouch, a turnip, a pair of eyeglasses, a hard-boiled egg, a carborundum grindstone (with handle), a suitcase key, a syringe, a file, tumblers and glasses, a polyethylene waste trap from the U-bend of a sink…..”

Who knew the average Joe had that much imagination? Or stupidity, depending on how you view it. Speaking of stupidity,  here’s a treatment for depression that won’t be popular any time soon:

“In 1955 one man who was “feeling depressed” reportedly inserted a six-inch paper tube into his rectum, dropped in a lighted firecracker, and blew a hole in his anterior rectal wall. This changed his mood real quick.”

How about this unfortunate fellow? A 60-year-old man claimed the coke bottle found in his rectum was put there by burglars.  Because people who break into your house to steal stuff do that. Yep, I can just see it. Juggling a flat screen TV with one hand, the thief uses his other hand to insert the coke bottle in the unsuspecting owners rectum before fleeing. You’ve got to admire that level of dexterity. Hopefully this buggary-style burglary won’t catch on. This is NOT a pretty picture:

One of the funniest articles on the topic can be found at:  http://thelistcafe.com/top-10-bizarre-up-theirs-adventures The title kind of says it all. Still, I question some of the allegedly inserted items. I mean,  is it even physically possible to get a pineapple up your puckered brown eye? Seriously? Oh, and how did you like that term ‘puckered brown eye?’ As you can see, this research is expanding my vocabulary in unexpected ways.

What people will do in the pursuit of sexual pleasure is simply amazing. Oh and the consensus on ‘gerbil-stuffing,’ is pretty much that it’s an urban myth. Everybody knows somebody who knows someone else whose sister worked in an ER when a man was bought in with a gerbil up his bum. Although we’ve all heard the story in one form or another, it seems there’s no medically recorded incidents to back the stories up. Which isn’t to say that people don’t go about with a gerbil up their Marmite mine, just that they don’t visit an emergency room to have it removed.

So the valuable lessons learnt today?

Pineapples are best ingested through the mouth.

Although the instructions on the Fireworks may say ‘store in a cool, dark place, avoid direct sunlight,’ this does not mean your anus is an appropriate storage place. Not cool (if you get my double meaning).

Next time you are walking naked around your house withwell oiled rectum, DO NOT leave a rubics cube on a slippery floor . You could impale yourself on it like Mr. Ebullana (see the article above 10-bizzare-up-theirs-adventures for the full story). This man had over 240 visits to the emergency room to have various items removed from his poop shute. For this the man became a Guiness World Record holder. If you should be reading this Mr. Ebullana, here are some tips that the emergency room Doctor’s may not have shared, but could prevent further unfortunate colonic traumas:

* baked bean cans can be stored in the pantry, rather than your anus

* if you lay your baseball down instead of upright there is less chance of impaling yourself accidentally when you walk past

* wearing clothes will make it less likely items will accidentally making their way into your back passage

* you will get better sound quality from your ipod if you keep it in your back pocket rather than you back passage

* make sure to turn the electric shaver off before accidentally slipping and filling your rectum with it

* store your Barbie dolls and My Little Pony toys on a high shelf and do not climb higher than them while naked

Oh, and one other little thing; you may be surprised to find that Mum is not as thrilled to hear of your Guiness World Record as you may have anticipated. Just saying…….

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Sex with an Audience anyone?

Public –v- private sex

The website ‘Ask Men’ has a page that lists 7 public places to have sex. Just in case you needed some inspiration.   So let’s examine their list…

1. THE MALL. This clearly gives a new meaning to the words ‘retail therapy.

2. EMPTY UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM. I’m thinking an empty room is a private room, so how does that qualify as public sex?

3. THE PARK. Communing with nature and all that. Would also work well if you like including insects in your sexual practices. The couple below are public but it doesn’t look as though they have a huge audience. Someone must be having fun taking the photo! Bet they wished they had a video camera.

4. ON A TRAIN.  The rocking motion could be beneficial I guess.

5. CEMETERY. What to say to this suggestion? Am I the only one who finds this idea disturbing?

6. GOLF COURSE. That’s a game you’re sure to remember.

7. COAT CHECK AREA. The website states ‘this could be at a wedding, for example.’ Indeed. They go on to say that cloakrooms are often empty. Again – guys are you missing the point here?

Then again, some places have a more aphrodisiac effect. A music festival, for example…..

 

You can find the entire article at: http://au.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_250/251b_love_tip.html

The Ask men website assures us that more women are turned on by public sex than you might think. Really? I remember a particular boyfriend I had who had a serious fascination with the idea. Everywhere we went he’d suggest a little public fandango; Parking the car outside the pub, amongst bolts of fabric in a haberdashery shop, by the side of the highway… The greater the audience the more excited he became.

You might say we weren’t terribly compatible in that area so the relationship inevitably died. Am I the odd one out in this scenario though? Do women really like to do the naughty in public?

Thousands of people post videos of themselves masturbating and having sex. It doesn’t get much more public than that. I’d be terrified a family member or someone I worked with would come (excuse the weak pun) across the site. Then again, maybe that’s the appeal?

Apparently this phenomenon has completely destroyed the porn industry. Why pay to watch a peroxide blonde being pounded by a man with a handlebar moustache when you can surf the web and find countless ‘real’ couples going at it?

The site ‘Beautiful Agony – facettes de la petite mort view’ is a perfect example of ‘amateur porn.’ People post videos of themselves masturbating to climax. However, the site is unique in that it only shows their faces. Women I’ve spoken to have all agreed this is a much greater turn on than watching genitals smacking together. It costs money to get access to all the videos, but they have a rather titillating preview video you can watch for free. Here’s the link:

http://www.beautifulagony.com/public/main.php

At the end of the day the most important thing is to have a partner who gets turned on by the things that you find arousing. If you both like to get it on out there with an audience, it’s happy days. Maybe not so happy for the audience…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sex. Why you should have more of it!

Most people have sex. It’s a fact. We have it to make babies and we have it to express with our bodies ultimate intimacy with another human, to name a couple of motivators. A google search on the benefits of regular sex comes up with zillions of responses. For some reason people like to put a figure on it. ’10 reasons sex is good for you,” or “20 ways sex benefits your health.” Apart from the obvious sexual pleasure we experience, how beneficial is it?

After doing some research I came up with what I think are 13 of the best reasons you should have more sex:

1. Boosts immunity

Regular sex increases levels of the  antibody immunoglobulin. This leads to greater immune resistance.

2. Reduces stress / lowers blood pressure

Women who have sex report that their stress levels are lower the next day. This leads to a domino effect. Women are then more likely to be receptive to more sex because they feel affection and intimacy with their partner. More sex, more affection, and less stress. What’s not to like? Blood pressure readings are lower on people who live with their partner and have regular sex. No surprises that a hug can also reduce blood pressure. When you get the right hug, can’t you just feel your blood pressure drop, your shoulders relax, your insides uncoil?

3. Cardiac health

In a recent study published by the American Journal of Cardiology researchers found that regular sex can = 45% less likelihood of a fatal cardiac condition.

Seriously? Shouldn’t they be advertising this somewhere? Encouraging people to go at it for the good of national health sounds like good policy to me. Imagine the doctor prescribing….”sex at least 5 times a week,” as part of a cardiac physiotherapy routine. Imagine the marketing campaign encouraging people to do the wild thing. Forget 200 steps a day, ladies and gents we’ve got a much better idea!

4. Analgesia

Sex leads to an increase in endorphins that can effectively reduce pain. Headache tonight? Then sex could be the best way to get rid of that nagging pain. Have a wound that is failing to heal? Even stubborn sores in diabetic patients have been found to heal more quickly with  regular sex.

5. Burns calories

Feeling guilty about that chocolate you had after dinner? You can burn up to 85 calories with a ½ hour of the horizontal fandango with your partner.

6. Better sleep

It’s those lovely endorphins again, priming you for post-coital sleep! Prolactin is another hormone released during orgasm and this fellow assists slumber.

7. Appear younger

Does this one surprise you? Apparently a study was done where judges viewed people through a one-way mirror and had to guess their ages. Those who enjoyed a romp on average 4 times a week were thought to be 7-12 years younger than their actual age. Who knew?

8. Toned muscles

This really made me smile! Forget the gym. Sex is considered by cardiologists to equal a modest work out on a treadmill. All that thrusting works the hip and back muscles, not to mention those pelvic floor muscles we hear so much about. Next time you are thinking of going to the gym perhaps it’s time to consider an alternative?

9. Increased self-esteem

We all want to feel loved and desired. Affection between partners increases with regular sex and as relationships improve self-esteem also increases. Clearly if you’re in an unhealthy relationship the opposite would be true. Value yourself and your body.

10. Unblock your sinuses

Sex is a natural anti-histamine. The brain’s olfactory bulb is excited by the release of prolactin. This leads to heightened sense of smell.

11. Better teeth and bones

Oh the boys will love this one. Semen contains zinc and calcium, both of which are excellent in slowing tooth decay. The increased estrogen caused by sex can also ward off osteoporosis.

12. Prevent endometriosis

Women who have sex often have a more regular menstrual cycle and it has also been shown to prevent endometriosis.

13. Prevent prostate cancer

A male in his 20’s can cut his chances of prostate cancer by more than 1/3 if he ejaculates at least 5 times a week. Older men who have at least 21 orgasms a month can also experience a lesser risk of prostate cancer. The more he climaxes the less likely he is to develop prostate cancer. Go boys for your own good!

So there you have it. Sex is good for you. In a roundabout way my writing is helping you find greater happiness and health!  Here’s to happy reading and happy, happy sex!

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Hide your sexuality with sunglasses

So If you don’t want to reveal your sexuality then you better keep those shades on. Is THAT why celebrities often wear sunglasses during interviews? Cornell University have just published results of research into pupil dilation and what it reveals about sexuality.

300 participants in the study were shown 30 second clips containing ‘erotic stimuli.’ Their eyes were monitored for both pupil dilation and where their gaze focused. The results?

Drumroll……..

Heterosexual men reacted to women.

Homosexual men reacted to men.

Homosexual women reacted to women.

Heterosexual women reacted to BOTH!

How about that?

What about the bisexual population you may be thinking? Well, there are some other really interesting findings on that topic. They found that people who described themselves as bisexual usually had a much stronger response to one gender.

I laughed out loud at this academic observation “Potential limitations in assessing sexual orientation by genital arousal have been pointed out.” You think? They go on to say “First, a substantial number of people are reluctant to participate in a study that assesses genital response, and those who do might represent an unusual population in unknown respects, thus creating results that may not apply broadly.” Let me interpret that for you – only weirdos would be happy to have their genitals monitored in a scientific study of arousal, therefore the results wouldn’t give an accurate picture of what’s normal. Bahaha! Can’t say I’d be lining up to have electrodes attached to my private bits.

Sadly this study is completely and utterly useless to me. I’d have to be touching noses to actually SEE someone else’s pupil response. Bit obvious, unfortunately.

Read the full article at PLOS one journal: http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0040256

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